Call me a joker, call me a fool...

mood: ...right at this moment I'm totally cool.
music: lots and lots and lots of english.
random word: друзья

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This weekend I was a horrible student. Once you are all done pointing out that I am always a horrible student, I would like to continue my story. Thank you. I went down to the lake house in CT to see my family. There were family friends there for the weekend, and I haven't seen them in a year. That's my excuse -- the family friends. Really, it went something like this: My mom called me Thursday night to say that if I didn't have anything to do this weekend, I should drive down to the lake. I laughed, told her she was worse than I was, and that unless they had suddenly learned to speak Russian, I probably should stay at Midd. But within this 3-minute conversation, the idea was planted in my head, and then it refused to leave. So the next about 12 hours consisted of me thinking about what I actually did have to do this weekend (nothing. no homework. no more theater. no nothing.), checking weatherbug to see how the weather was going to be this weekend (2 perfect suns and the numbers next to the suns right around perfect 75s), and counting the days until I was leaving for Russia (18 was the answer. holy crap was my response.). Needless to say, as soon as I finished my oral exam Friday morning, I was in the car driving south on 7.

In general, it was a very nice weekend, and I'm really glad I went. According to Marina and Yemin, they did nothing all weekend, and definitely no one even noticed I was gone. And I figure, if my Russian hasn't improved by now (and it has...trust me, it has.) then it's not going to, so I might as well just go. Anyway, I got to see Abbey, my parents, and these friends that I really haven't seen in a year. I burnt my nose to a crisp, which was definitely no fun. And in general, I just relaxed and had a very free weekend. It was nice. I came back ready for the last 3 days of language school, but definitely ready to go back home after that.

Actually, I had a very weird feeling this weekend thinking about "going home". This morning, I slumped down into a chair and just kind of automatically said, "I want to go home." My mom responded, "You mean, to Middlebury?" And somehow, I didn't have an answer for her. I actually didn't know what I meant by "I want to go home." I knew I missed the feeling of home, but I couldn't pin down a place where that feeling was sure to come back. I knew it wasn't Albany. While Albany is comfortable, and it's family, I've lived there a total of probably 2 months, and it's definitely not home. And I knew it wasn't Midd. I mean, not this Midd. I know I've said this a million times this summer, but I'm saying it again -- I love Middlebury, and I feel so comfortable here. That's true, and I have felt that all summer, but just the same, something about Middlebury has been off all summer. Something has been missing, and that's why all summer it hasn't really felt right.

That thing that's been missing is you guys. Friends. When I say "I want to go home" I think I actually mean I want to be with my friends. I just want to sit and talk and goof off and not have to think. I just want to be. I think home is really the place where you are comfortable enough to just be without thinking. And I think that that place for me, at this point in my life, is anywhere where my friends are. I am more at home with friends than I am in any actual place right now.

"Whenever we're together, that's my home"

It's an interesting feeling -- to not have a home to miss. And I really don't think I'll have a home to miss for a very long time now. I don't mean this to come off as complaining or sad; it's just a strange feeling. But it means that for now, I'm just going to go on missing all of you and wishing more than anything that I could be with you.


The Russia countdown stands at 15. Oh me oh my.