Nine Weeks is a Long Time...

mood: becoming very nervous
music: Земфира (Zemfira)...Russian woman rock artist. Kind of fun, kind of scary, kind of one of only 3 albums I have of Russian music...
random word: нервничать

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Ok, guys, it just hit me. I'm going to be speaking Russian for nine weeks. I'm going to be cut off from the entire world for nine weeks. I'm going to be SPEAKING RUSSIAN FOR NINE WEEKS!! I don't know Russian. I took a semester off from Russian. And the semester before that was kind of a joke class in which my teacher rolled cigarettes in the middle of class. I am, first of all, going to be put in a much lower level than I'd like to be in, and a much lower level than probably everyone is expecting me to be in, seeing as the last Russian class I took was level 411. Then I'm going to have to make friends with people who already have friends in Russian school cause they took the normal Russian route and started taking Russian at Middlebury. So they'll already know each other and not care about speaking Russian to each other, while I'll have to make new friends in Russian. For the past half-hour or so, I've been trying to practice or something...just like thinking about how you would say something in Russian, and what I realized is that every sentence takes about 3 minutes to say seeing as each word is separated by at least 15 seconds of thinking! AND THEN, assuming I survive the gulag, I go to Russia, and then to France, and I don't see any of you for a year, or more. What the hell, guys?! I can't do this. I miss you all so much, and instead of hanging out with you guys, I have subjected myself to nine weeks of craziness, and then a semester of craziness in snow, and then a semester of the Eiffel Tower...ok, so we'll kind of let that last one go. BUT, oh dear me.

Sorry. You know how you can know that something is coming for months and months, but suddenly one day it hits you what that something actually means? That's what just happened. I realized what Russian school and a year abroad actually mean. I realized how long of a time it really is, and how far away (either by language or by geographic location) I'm going to be from all of you.

I took a walk today with my friend Elizabeth. She and I have known each other since we were 5 or so, but for the past 11 years only got to see each other once a year. So the fact that she now lives around the corner from me is quite exciting. Anyway, she stopped by and it was the first time I've seen her this summer, so we went for a walk. And it amazed me how easily and naturally the conversation flowed with her. We walked for about 40 minutes or so, mostly talking about the summer and studying abroad, and it was just wonderful. You would all love Elizabeth. She's extremely nice, and goofy, and creative. And she's a singer. ;) She would probably fit right in with our group. It's just weird, though, because neither of us have ever really seen the other in a social situation. I mean, I've never met any of her friends, and she's never met any of mine. But I could see her fitting in so well with all of you. It just made me realize how nice it is to have people you just click with. Which, of course, made me miss all of you.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that the only reason I don't want to go to Russian school right now (other than the fact that I'm scared out of my mind) is that it means I don't get to talk to you all. Which is ridiculous because I'm not even hanging out with you guys; it's just the blog, and IMs, and phone calls that I'm really, really going to miss. So I'm sorry that this post has been really sappy or whatever, and kind of freaking out, and I'm sorry because I know I just posted yesterday as well, but I really do miss you guys. So the truth is that I'm probably going to post on the blog, and I'm probably going to e-mail, and I'm probably going to be making phone calls even while at Russian school. I mean, the scariest thing is that I don't even really know how it works, and if it really will be hard to do all that and if I'll have to be really secretive with it all. It could end up not being that big of a deal. Anyway, it's late, and I'm really tired, which I'm sure hasn't helped this rant. I love all of you very much.

Becky

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSIE!! :)